The First Move

Most people won’t act until someone else does. Be that someone.

I saw a video recently filmed onboard a plane. The captain asked everyone to remain seated at the gate while a service member’s body was unloaded from the cargo hold. The passengers on one side could see it through the windows.

Nobody moved. Nobody said a word. Men took off their ballcaps. Hands went over hearts. Some people cried. It got me thinking about how people react in different moments, and whether someone in the group of passengers made the first move. I think someone took the first cap off, and the rest followed.

I’ve also been on planes where a ten-minute delay turned grown adults unhinged.

Same people. Different moment.

I spent my career around the worst of what people do to each other. I know that side better than most. I remember a call in the projects. A child had been hit by a car and killed. A mother stood there unable to suppress her pain. Her grief was unimaginable.

I had been to those neighbors hundreds of times before. Often it wasn’t good. Rarely do police show up for a happy situation. This day was no different. Another horrible circumstance. But that day I saw a different community. Neighbors held her and comforted her. The men who sold drugs on those corners stood silent and reverent. One of them looked at me and nodded. I nodded back. We both understood this was not about us. Not today.

Same people. Different moment. I don’t believe every one of those men arrived at that respect on his own. Someone went first.

Researchers studied 219 real street altercations caught on security cameras in the UK, the Netherlands, and South Africa. In more than nine out of ten, someone stepped in when a lone victim was under attack. I was surprised. The more people watching, the more likely it was that they helped. That makes sense to me. People are braver in a group.

Most people won’t walk past a stranger in trouble.

Then I noticed the part about more people present meaning more people helping, and I realized someone has to make the first move. I could be wrong, but I think on that airplane someone took the cap off first. In the projects, someone moved first and the community understood. I believe most people are waiting for someone to go first.

That is a leadership lesson as much as a human one. The people on your team, in your family, and in your community might need you to step up. Some people know when to move first and some need someone to show them it’s time.

So tomorrow, go first. Let someone merge. Hold the door. Tell the cashier or the driver thank you. If you see someone in a coffee shop who is obviously scared or crying, don’t walk past. Ask if you can help.

Same people. Different moment.